Guilt and shame are common and powerful emotions that can have a significant impact on our mental and emotional well-being. Whether stemming from past actions or perceived failures, these feelings can weigh heavily on us, affecting our self-esteem and overall quality of life.
To learn more about the differences between guilt and shame, and the way each of them might be impacting you, keep scrolling.
Guilt and shame are complex emotions that can have a profound impact on our mental and emotional well-being. In this section, we will delve into the definition of guilt and shame, explore their differences, and understand their potential effects.
Guilt is an emotional response that arises when we believe we have done something wrong or violated our own moral values. It is often associated with a sense of responsibility for our actions and a recognition of the harm or hurt caused to others or ourselves. Guilt can be a positive emotion, as it can serve as a motivator for change, growth, care for others, and responsibility-taking. However, in its more negative forms, guilt can also lead to self-blame and excessive self-punishment.
Shame is a more deeply rooted and intense emotion that arises when we believe we are fundamentally flawed or unworthy as individuals. Unlike guilt, which focuses on our actions, shame relates to our sense of self and identity. It is often accompanied by a strong fear of judgment, rejection, and humiliation. Shame can be highly debilitating and can negatively impact various aspects of our lives, including self-esteem, relationships, and overall mental well-being.
While these used are often used interchangeably, they shouldn't be. It is important to recognize and understand their distinct differences.
Guilt is primarily focused on the action or behavior, while shame centers on the individual’s core identity.
Guilt often leads to a desire for repair and making amends, whereas shame can lead to isolation, withdrawal, and hiding.
Guilt is typically triggered by a specific action or behavior, whereas shame can be triggered by a perceived inadequacy or a sense of being flawed
Guilt can be a constructive emotion that promotes growth and change, whereas shame can be highly destructive and detrimental to one’s self-esteem and overall well-being.
Guilt is to the spirit what pain is to the body.
- David A. Bednar
Much of what we think and feel about ourselves is a product of our childhood conditioning. This conditioning is the product of a variety of influences, including parents, siblings, teachers, relatives and societal messaging. People who are prone to feelings of toxic shame typically received explicit or implicit messages that who they were wasn’t ok. They may have been blamed when things went wrong, and they may have received messages that made them feel like the didn’t belong.
As mentioned above, guilt can be a healthy, positive emotion. In fact, people who don’t feel guilty when guilt is appropriate have issues with accountability, responsibility, and concern for others. They need their own type of therapy.
On the other side of “not-enough-guilt” is “too-much-guilt,” or inappropriate guilt. This is when we feel guilty even when we shouldn’t. It is when we feel that other people’s well-being is in our hands. It is when we feel responsible for things happening that are quite obviously out of our control. This type of feeling is typically the product of parents who gave their children too much responsibility from too early an age. These types of parents (and other adults/elders) may have made their children feel inappropriately responsible for their own (the parents) well-being.
Both guilt and shame can have significant impacts on individuals’ mental and emotional well-being. They can lead to:
Expats, digital nomads and other internationally-based, nomadic people frequently encounter feelings of guilt and shame. Their lifestyles aren’t necessarily the cause of their difficult feelings, but their lifestyles do trigger or activate their painful feelings. Below are just some of the reasons an expatriate may be confronted with feelings of guilt and shame.
The expat lifestyle is unconventional. Generally speaking, people back home don’t understand the appeal. Silently or explicitly, they are likely to make unfair judgements of you and the life you have chosen.
When we set out a path in life that takes us away from people we love and care about, we frequently have feelings of guilt. We question our decision and, sometimes, fall into wondering if we are bad people for having moved away. Hopefully, our loved ones understand and support our decision. But even when they do, guilt has a tendency to creep in.
Frequently, people who move abroad feel that they are “falling behind” in at least one of the following categories: career, finances, real estate, relationships. They oftentimes feel that they are making a sacrifice in one or more of those categories, and they doubt if they are making the correct decision. This quickly leads to feelings of guilt and shame.
Guilt and shame are deeply rooted emotions that are challenging to navigate on our own. Therapy provides a supportive and exploratory environment to address these complex emotions. In this section, we will explore the reasons why online therapy can be an effective and beneficial approach for individuals struggling with guilt and shame.
Guilt and shame can be intensely personal and sensitive emotions. Online therapy offers a level of anonymity that can reduce the stigma associated with seeking help for these emotions. This can enable individuals to open up more freely and explore their feelings without the fear of judgment from others.
Online therapy provides a virtual space where individuals can be vulnerable and explore their guilt and shame without feeling exposed or judged. Therapists trained in addressing these emotions can create a supportive and non-judgmental environment, allowing individuals to delve into their feelings and experiences.
Online therapists specialized in guilt and shame can employ specific therapeutic approaches and techniques to address these emotions effectively. They can work collaboratively with individuals to develop personalized strategies for managing guilt, promoting self-forgiveness, and cultivating self-compassion.
Online therapy offers the advantage of continuity of care, as individuals can continue their therapeutic journey without interruption, even if they relocate or travel. This ensures a consistent support system throughout the healing process.
If you do, it might be worth exploring the option of online self-esteem therapy.
If any of these questions resonate with you, it is possible that you might be struggling with issues of guilt and/or shame. To better understand your situation and to overcome it effectively, send us a message. We will be happy to lead you towards a more satisfying future. Our therapists offer online individual therapy specifically addressing relationship issues, and providing personalised support for your emotional well-being.
