Dirty Shoes Are Part Of Life
Most of us go to great lengths to avoid our core vulnerabilities. “Core vulnerabilities” is another term for “feelings that we don’t like”. To put the first sentence another way, we do our best to avoid people and circumstances that cause us to feel things we don’t want to feel. Duh. The problem with this …
Why We Keep Doing That Same Annoying Thing Again And Again And Again…
Many of us are familiar with the painful pattern of engaging in certain behaviors while simultaneously recognizing that those behaviors are not to our benefit. We experience ourselves as innocent bystanders, helplessly watching the train that is our self-sabotage rip by us, immune and indifferent to our muffled pleas for it to stop. The solution …
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Acceptance vs Improvement
In our western culture, much of the emphasis on personal work is oriented towards self-improvement. Self-improvement is wonderful. It is not my intention to demonize it. What I want to point out are two things: 1) An exclusive focus on self-improvement risks becoming another avoidance strategy. A means of getting away from ourselves right now. …
“Should-ing” Ourselves
When we “should” ourselves, we are basically telling ourselves that who we are in this moment is not ok. This is a type of self-abandonment. “I shouldn’t be angry,” is a statement that both makes my anger wrong and, more fundamentally, makes me wrong for having my anger. I am communicating to myself that how …
Personal Empowerment Achieved Through a Shift in Language
“Situation ‘Y’ Triggered Feelings Of ‘X’ In Me” My clients are all too familiar with this intervention. It is an invitation to deliberately change their language in a straightforward, albeit slightly awkward, way. In this post, I argue that using this language (externally and internally) saves us from positioning ourselves as victims, and puts power …
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Coping with Covid Chaos (Managing Anxiety)
Managing anxiety is no small feat, especially in the face of the uncertainty and fear resulting from COVID-19. This posts offers some tips in the form of drawings to help regulate anxiety and reconnect with self during this stressful time.
Couples Emphasize the Wrong Thing
The majority of couples who come to therapy complain about a lack of connection in their relationship. They want to feel more engaged with one another. More intimate. Closer. As the therapist, buying into this narrative is enticing. The subsequent sessions are spent proposing solutions aimed at increasing the likelihood that the couple will experience …
Transformative Change
The hero’s journey is symbolic of the path to transformative change. A hero confronts her own demise. Her own annihilation. In popular culture, this journey happens in the external world. The journey can be witnessed and commented upon. We see it in adventure, war, unfortunate circumstances, outside threats. The hero is put in a position …
Your Resolution Solution
If engaging in our desired behavior is dependent on us feeling good and feeling motivated, we are, in my estimation, doomed. So long as our behavior is chained to an experience of comfort, ease, and motivation, we can only go so far. Transformative change necessarily entails feeling uncomfortable.